Last month my dad passed away due to severe sunstroke. Having lost my mother ten years ago due to illness, I became much closer to my dad than before. My dad was like my best friend. In this article, I will share my experience on how I am dealing with the death of my dad.
Do not hold anything back. Weep as much as you can. Do not try to look ‘strong’.
Realize that death is certain for anyone in this sinful world. It is not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’. In other words, if you are not going to mourn today, you may have to mourn tomorrow or may be the next year or may be after many years. That is the harsh reality. Keep that in mind.
Therefore, do not hold bitter feelings against anyone, especially your family members. Reconcile with them. As Saint Paul said, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law”.
If it is late already, ask God for forgiveness.
Think of all the good times you had with your loved one. Let that be a good consolation.
In the beginning of this year, I decided to take a break from my job for at least 2 months and spend good time with my family. This is due to the fact that I visited India only once during my stay abroad, over the last seven years. I wanted to have a good time with my family to my complete satisfaction, not worrying anything about money and career.
During this time, I had the opportunity to enjoy many activities with my dad:
- Watched movies in theatres.
- Visited some of the places that he wanted to see.
- We flew from Chennai to Hyderabad, so he enjoyed a demo-flying experience. I thought this would help him come to visit me abroad, later this year.
- Accompanied him during his morning and evening walks.
- Purchased Johnnie Walker Blue label while leaving to India, which my dad wanted to try.
- Enjoyed a boat ride with my dad.
- Gifted him a Parker pen.
- Enjoyed exciting moments with him, when the Indian team was playing in this World Cup Cricket.
- Most importantly I had many long and meaningful conversations with my dad.
If you have a noble purpose, it gives you the meaning and hope in life. Hope lifts you up faster than anything else. For example, I want to make this site an oasis for the troubled souls.
As I stayed for about a month with my close family members after my dad’s funeral, I think it helped me recover soon. I played with my little nephews and nieces. Some of my good friends comforted me and prayed for me regularly.
It is a slow process. As you get busy with your day-to-day life, you will find it much easier to recover than when you seclude yourself.
I prayed a lot for my dad’s healing. I was hopeful that if it were God’s will, my dad would even be resurrected. It did not happen. I have observed that some people get miraculously healed (and they are no mere coincidences), while some die without any physical healing.
I find it sad to see that sometimes people dilute the words of Christ, just because their prayers are not answered. For instance, they say “Healing ended with Christ and His apostles”. I do not think it is wise to make any such unbiblical conclusions.
Sickness is painful. Death is painful. Suffering is not fun. Life is like a long movie. We see parts of it and make decisions and conclusions. We have not seen the full movie yet, to be able to know all about sickness, miracles and God.
If Jesus Christ had taught all that good stuff, and died a smooth’n’easy death, it would be difficult to trust Him at sad times like these. However, He had an extremely painful death. We know a God who can relate to us in pain and suffering, and who knows how the death tastes. But death could not hold Him. He defeated death.
When praying for others, pray as if you have never prayed before. Do not say “Healing ended with Jesus Christ” when you already observed that many people are miraculously healed even in these days. Do not force your theology of ‘no-healing’ on others just because your prayers are not answered. Instead, I find it wiser to say “I do not know everything” and trust in Him.
A pastor prayed for me this way as I was leaving to India for my dad’s funeral:
“Do not be sad that both your parents passed away. Jesus Christ is the perfect love. He is your mother and father. Trust in Him”.